Ramblings of a mother…

Being a parent is truly a challenging job. It takes patience, compassion, compromise, patience, sacrifice, listening skills, did I mention patience? You have to practice what you preach, be able to put your child’s needs ahead of your own, while at the same time figuring out how to achieve a balance where your needs are also being met. It requires you to acknowledge that, while he/she is part you, that child is his/her own person. That means that no matter what you may think, like, feel, that child is an individual and you have to respect that.

Now, being a mother of three boys, ages 5, 14 and 16 going on 17, I know firsthand how frustrating it can be, particularly having multiple kids, all whom are different in personality, and require different tactics and communication styles. What works for one may not work for the other one (and usually doesn’t).

But I feel like I have a responsibility to find what works for all three, no matter how many times I am secretly wondering what in the world I was thinking when I decided to become a mother! Because as much as we all love our children, especially us mothers, there are days, I tell you, when I look at all three of them like, okay, you are truly trying to test me just to see how far over the edge can you take me before I end up in a padded cell somewhere! Lol. 

So… I have an issue with the parenting style of some parents these days. I do realize that everyone has a right to parent their child the way they see fit, and I do subscribe to that, being a mother of three boys myself. But… There are several key problems I see. One being the fact that I see parents negotiating with their young children, which tends to lead to bribing the child to do what the parent wanted them to do all along.

What happened to a good, old fashioned, “NO! Why? Because I said So!” Or, “I’m going to tell you one more time and then guess what’s about to happen?” Of course any threats must always be followed up on, otherwise, what’s the use of saying it? Because at that point, the kids now know that they can get away with stuff, and you may talk big but you won’t really do anything. Yes, children learn us pretty quick.

And trust me when I say, children know when their parents are afraid to discipline them in public. Now this may be one of my biggest pet peeves. When I get an evil eye or disturbed look from someone because I had the audacity to raise my voice or discipline my child in front of them in a manner in which they most obviously disapprove.  Yet these are the same folks who have no control over their own kids and their children are running around wild and acting like they have no home training whatsoever!

There’s a difference between abuse and discipline, and I need parents to know the distinction. Now I know culture and how one’s been raised plays a huge part in how one parents their own children, and I for one, came from a culture where if you messed up, you got a spanking and when an adult spoke you stopped. And if an adult said No, You Can’t, Stop, Don’t Do It, Do It, Speak, Be Quiet, you just DID IT. No Questions. No Debates. No Negotiations. No Disrespect. You Just DID IT. Period Point Blank.

And if you had something smart to say, you better keep that to yourself. The only last word you got was inside your own head! Smh…

Those were the days. Now, for some of us, we have followed that parenting style, tweaking it here and there, to fit our kids and our lifestyles. Others have chosen to do the complete opposite, or so it would seem. The bottom line is, for those who have boys, think ahead and try not to raise them to be the type of men that most women complain about. For those with girls, try to cultivate them to be strong, independent women who don’t end up being the type that most men use and manipulate, and most women look at and judge.

Yes, being a parent is quite the challenging job…